Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
