Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
