I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
