I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
