Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
