I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
