I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize