can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
