So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
