just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
