i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
