Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
