You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
