I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
