I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
