You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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