Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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