just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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