i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize