A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
