His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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