Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
