I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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