you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
