We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
