You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
