Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize