Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
