Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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