I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
