Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
