if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
