Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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