I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
