I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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