you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
