you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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