So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Damn victory sex feels great
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
