so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Randomize
