I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
