im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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