you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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