Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
