Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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