At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize