I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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