Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
