just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
