somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
