All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
