I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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