His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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