Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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