A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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