Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
