i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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