I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
