it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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