I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
