That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize