last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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