I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
