I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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