Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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