i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My cat gives me a boner
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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