take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
