at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
