Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
