It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
