she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize