It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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