That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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