If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
