Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woke up backwards on a recliner
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
